Things That Are Embarrassing but Shouldn’t Be
An Anti-Capitalist Approach to Mitigating Our Collective Embarrassment — It loses power the moment we all stop giving it value.
There are two types of people in this world: those who get embarrassed, and liars. Embarrassment is inevitable. It’s built into the human experience like needing your mom to explain how health insurance works at age 26 or accidentally waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you. It shows up uninvited, lingers around too long, and manages to shape how we see ourselves. Honestly? Kind of rude.
And for those of us who do feel it (most of us), it’s not just a fleeting “oops”—it’s a soul-haunting, 3AM-remembering, “oh god I’ll never recover from this” type of experience.
Did that person think I looked weird when I accidentally walked into the men’s bathroom? Did I overshare in front of that person I barely know? Will anyone’s opinion of me be permanently altered if they saw I tripped over air on the sidewalk?
Probably not. But it feels like it will.
Nevertheless, I find comfort in the fact that embarrassment is something that keeps us grounded—a kind of invisible social contract that (mostly) keeps our behavior in check, the universal glue holding humanity together. It unites us and humbles us For empathetic people, at least, it helps stop us from drifting too far into doing the wrong thing.
It nudges us to fall in line, get with the program, and land on the right side of an issue—because if we don’t, we risk having something to be embarrassed about. That’s what I’d call a healthy dose of embarrassment. Embarrassment for good.
But then there’s all the other embarrassment. The pointless kind. The kind not rooted in moral clarity or social awareness—but in our own hyper-self-awareness, our own private echo chambers of imagined judgment.
It’s such a universally familiar feeling that when drumming up this Substack, I’ve convinced myself it’s almost boring in how common it is–which is probably why it’s been a developing piece over the course of the last couple months. Whenever I’ve brought up this Substack idea, people instantly have something to contribute to the list. So if embarrassment is this widespread, shared experience, why do we treat it like it’s a personal failing? Why do we let it shape our self-worth, as if a fleeting moment is somehow a permanent reflection of who we are?
In reality, the emphasis and perceived social implications of doing something embarrassing has gone too far…
Big Embarrassment doesn’t want you to know this but while it’s rooted in the perception of others, being embarrassed is egocentric. It’s self-obsession cloaked in self-consciousness.
Embarrassment operates under the assumption that everyone around you is constantly watching, judging, and remembering your most awkward moments—which, in reality, they are not. They're too busy replaying their own cringey highlight reel from the weekend before to remember your mishaps.
So I’ve been thinking: while plenty of things do deserve a healthy dose of embarrassment—like not voting in the 2024 election (or making out on a dance floor after 25, not that I’d know)—there’s an even longer list of things we feel weird about for absolutely no good reason. By calling them out and dragging them into the light, maybe we can all breathe a little easier the next time our cheeks go red.
Here’s my personal running list of things that are embarrassing but shouldn’t be:
Your AirPods dying in public. No one knows but you, and yet the silence manifests in shame as you’re suddenly conscious of every wandering eye around you.
Carrying toilet roll home from the shop.
Not passing the verification checks where you have to “click all the squares with crosswalks” to verify you’re a human.
Asking someone to Venmo/Revolut you money they owe you.
Asking to borrow a pen or pencil.
Chasing after a ping pong ball–We have all either felt this ourselves, or have been icked out by someone else doing it, knowing how it feels to be the one chasing after it. Actually, retracted… My skin is crawling just thinking about it.
Having a crush/telling someone you like them. Like, okay, I’m giving you the gift of my affection. You’re welcome?
Going on a walk and changing direction to return home. “Oh no, they’ll know I had no destination.”
Showing a photo of the boy you think is cute. “They’re cuter in person…” are the famous last words.
Mixing up the sugar and salt—it’s their own fault they’re the same color.
Paying with cash. Please let me rummage thru my wallet for 30 seconds to find that last euro. My tips are paid in cash and that is free money I must remember to use.
Saying “oatmeal” instead of “porridge.” (Retracted)
Accidentally liking someone’s Instagram story. My thumb sits there as I scroll so I probably like 10 things a day without realizing it.
Wearing earplugs at a concert. My friends are normalizing this one.
Having an emotional reaction to something that elicited an emotional reaction.
When it’s cold outside and your glasses fog as soon as you enter a building.
Wearing a bike helmet—it’s literally lifesaving but ok.
Having the hiccups. Period.
Making decisions for a partner. The 22-year-old me who moved to Denver for a summer will die on this hill. Did it work out? No. Do I regret it? Also no.
Eating ribs. I once forked and knifed a rib out of fear I’d get sauce on the corners of my lips only to realise the person across from me had sauce in the corners of their lips–how embarrassing for them only because I wasn’t right there with them in solidarity.
Liking something basic or mainstream—Taylor Swift, disposable cameras, Adidas Gazelles. If you’re so alt that you cannot appreciate a crisp iced vanilla latte while sitting in the sun, I don’t trust you because you’re not honest with yourself.
Killing a plant someone else gave you—they should have known you wouldn’t actually take care of that.
Wearing a weather appropriate jacket.
Asking your Irish friends if firefighters exist here. You didn’t see any for 10 months, so it was a fair question, really.
Running with big boobs. I said it. No matter what brand the internet tells us will finally solve our problems, it won’t. Learn to love them.
Unironically liking Glee at some stage in your life. Yes, it aged like milk. But don’t pretend “Somewhere Only We Know” by the Warblers isn’t better than the original.
Having bad handwriting as an adult. I am trying my best.
Being the only single person in your immediate family.
Not knowing butter goes off. My old roommates won’t ever let me live that one down.
Picking something up with a fork and it falling off before it reaches your mouth.
Being allergic to dogs. I am sad about it too.
Comments from the community:
Note: Asterisk added if multiple commenters concurred.
Saying your own name aloud. (Immediate yes, even when I go to say my other friend’s name Emily.)
Inserting your credit card into a chip reader.
Asking for toilet paper when your stall is out.* (A humbling social negotiation with a stranger.)
Having your friends you workout with see you in everyday clothes.
Crossing the street.*
Pushing a shopping cart.
Your windshield wipers moving faster than the other cars near you.*
Asking a shop assistant for the price of something and then not buying it.
Going to the movies alone.* (For such a solo experience, why do we feel the need to do it with other people?)
Stopping to tie your shoes.
Having an untied shoe as an adult. (Why are we not double knotting, people?)
Coming off mute on zoom. “Sorry—haha—can you hear me now?”
Sneezing.
Locking up your bike. (Doubly embarrassing if it’s not U-Lock.)
Putting gasoline in the car. (This one is deeply personal. The first time I fuelled a car without supervision from a parent, I spilled gas all over the place because I thought you were supposed to hold down the lever to keep it from coming out, rather than the other way around. I was terrified the gas station would blow up for an entire week and I was too embarrassed to do anything about it, but I think my mom called them to let them know.)
Posting on Instagram about your Substack. (Rude, Gabe).
So I propose we unionize against Big Embarrassment. Start calling its bluff. Laugh when you trip over nothing, own your overshare, and eat your ribs with your goddamn hands. Because the truth is, most of the time, no one cares—and if they do, they’ll forget in the next 20 minutes thanks to the short attention spans we’ve developed from our tiny phones. Embarrassment only has power if you let it rent space in your head. So evict it. Change the locks. And if all else fails, well, I’d say that might be something that qualifies as deserving of a healthy dose of embarrassment anyway.